When we got married, my husband and I chose a song for our wedding. It contained the following lyrics, “Happiness, how’d you get to be happiness, how’d you get to find love, real love? Love, love, love.”
It’s a question I get asked from time to time, particularly by people who know that my life wasn’t always this way. For many years things were tough. Depression, anxiety, fatigue and stress took turns as the foremost experience of the day and despite my best efforts, I couldn’t seem to pull myself out of the misery cycle.
Naturally there were diversions – travel, wine and music are excellent diversions – and yet the joy associated with those experiences was fleeting at best. Inevitably I would find myself back in the realm of difficulty, discomfort and, at times, despair. In fact, it felt as though difficulty and complexity were normal states of being and that happiness and fun were temporary, fleeting states.
In truth, all states of being are temporary and fleeting. In fact, the ‘negative’ emotions and experiences were temporary too. They just seemed permanent because I was fixated on them. You see, over the years, I had built up a story about this person called Samantha. About who she ‘really’ was. Consciously and unconsciously I played my story over and over again.
Needless to say the story wasn’t that flattering. It was as though I had only paid attention to the negative things people had said about me. Positive comments seem to have passed right on by without even a moment’s notice. Only later in life did I discover this to be an extremely effective strategy for keeping misery close.
It seems ridiculous doesn’t it? And yet, if you’re experiencing any recurring negativity, challenge or difficulty in your life, I can guarantee you, you’re doing the same thing.
As human beings, we’re experts at it and we all have stories which keep the misery in play;
- you can’t have everything you want in life
- good things are the result of lots of hard work
- not everyone gets what they want in life
- there are no good men/women/jobs/houses left
- relationships are tough
- stress is a necessary part of the job
- you have to go through tough lessons in order to get to the good stuff.
Ah, how easily they roll off the tongue.
And yet…. all are lies.
The most liberating moment of your life will be the moment you discover that the things you have told yourself – about your intelligence, your appearance, your capacity for greatness; about others, about ‘the way life is’, about the way life ‘should be’; about who is important and who is not, about religion, politics, and about what you can and can’t expect to get in life – are all rubbish.
Astonishing isn’t it? Astonishing and liberating, the moment you allow yourself to fall into the inescapable truth of it.
So if you are ready to unburden yourself, you might spend a moment writing down all the things you’ve told yourself about the way life is, and all of those negative things you always believed to be true about yourself. Just write them all down.
In case they don’t immediately come to mind, let me give you some more examples; ‘he doesn’t love me’, ‘I’m unloveable’, ‘I’m ugly’, ‘I’m fat’, ‘I’m not good enough for that job’, ‘people don’t really like me’.
You get the idea. Write them all down.
Keep going.
Completely clear out all the old stories.
Now burn the piece of paper. Shred it, cross the words out, or cut them up. Make a ceremony out of it if you like.
Do whatever feels right to loosen the grip of those stories.
Done? Good.
Now find a fresh piece of paper and write just two words….
I am.
That’s it.
Everything else is an illusion.
(Even the ‘good’ stuff we’re really fond of. Although we’ll talk more about that another time.)
Just write ‘I am’ and take some time to let the words sink in.
No other labels, no other stories, be they good or bad. Just simple, unadulterated truth. I am.
*****
How’d I get to be happiness? I was finally ready to experience the truth of those two words.
If you’re reading this, then you are too.
Inspiring blog m’dear. Will do just that.
Darling… I am struck by the synchronicity of the timing of your blogs with my life…
xxx Rachel PS if you pick this one I will gladly gift it to a yogi or yogini
It is as if you are speaking directly to me. At EXACTLY the right time. (And of course, you ARE, as is the way of things!) These last two blogs (well, all of them, but these last two in particular) have made me want to reply IMMEDIATELY but first time around it was work [blah] that stopped me and now, second time around, it is tax return deadline just a few hours away [more blah]. I will show you why when eventually I put pen (or typing finger) to paper (or page) for you. In the meantime sending you lots of LOVE and my very best wishes, I miss being with you but I can conjure up your laugh in my mind as I type this
Hi Sam
I so agree with Rachel – the timing of your blogs is impeccable. I frequently seem to be inspired to turn on the computer and there before me is one of your blogs with extremely pertinent content for the way I am feeling at that particular moment – always inspirational and thought provoking.
I would gladly gift a terms yoga to someone of your choice. Judy x
Ah I am so pleased to read this. My writing process is one where I ask the universe what most needs to be written and read that day and then I watch the words form on my keyboard. It’s deliciously effortless and so much more effective to keep the mind out of the process as much as possible!
For me, reading your blog is like reading a transcript from one of our many conversations sitting on the couch with a cup of tea, or perhaps strolling through a park on an autumn afternoon.
I remember the day we discuss this exact topic, of letting go of all the concepts we had of ourselves. For me it was letting go of the idea that I was an anxious girl and always would be. However, looking back that had not always been the case and it was only I who believe it to be so true. When accepting that this may not be the case, I was able to let go of other ideas I had of myself, i.e. not good enough, not worthy. It was very liberating. Of course I need regular reminders to do this, and your blog has been just that, but I think I am on the right path. Thank you xoxo
Samantha, thank you for sharing reflections on your journey thus far and insights into ‘illusion’ and ‘truth’… I too believe that when we go beyond the illusion, we ‘know’ truth, we heal… while reading your blog, in the stillness of this moment, I hear SPIRIT… calm, knowing… I AM?… LOVE!… I AM LOVE… no thinking, just instantly aware and know I AM LOVE… so here’s to more ‘being in the moment’, more ‘stillness’ and less thinking! xo fiona
I don’t know you, you’re a friend of a friend but somehow there seems to be a connection more than just the internet! I admire you for being open about your life and feelings that it feels like an Anne of Green Gables kindred spirit moment. I love your focus on happiness and engineering it. For our wedding, my husband and I chose The Never Ending Story – so many chapters in our life to be revealed (and we laughed at the ridiculousness of our choice)!
Rock on with your blog and classes and the positivity you are creating.